Want

Have you ever wanted something so desperately only to realize that the thought of actually attaining what it is you want so desperately is actually terrifying?

Yes, hmmm good. Glad I’m not alone because that is right where I am.

Wanting desperately and desperately terrified.

Love. Marriage. Anniversary. Four.

Four is now the sum of our years together as husband and wife. 10 is the sum of our years spent together. I often wonder which I am to measure us by. Success because we have maintained our relationship and “survived” four years of marriage or success because we have cherished a love that started with a simple meeting and kept it nurtured through all the trials that living life has thrown our way for ten years?

Together we have weathered the emotions of death; your mother and my grandmother. We have helped each other heal our hearts and felt our love bloom. We have celebrated our successes and of those closest to us and we have watched close friends lives expand with the birth of their children. We have maintained our home, we endured income loss and we have planned our wedding. We have learned about the mystery that is pregnancy and proudly introduced our newborn son the world. We have survived a colicky baby, we have lit up from within watching our child grow and we have found our way back to the simple things life can offer: a smile, a touch, a back yard BBQ with family and friends…we simply continue to love and be loved.

All of this has taken place since our very first hello.

Through it all we have found ways to maintain our relationship. Found ways to maintain our love. Nurture it. Hold on to it. The love I have for you has never failed me. It will always come back to this single emotion for me: Love. My love for you has evolved. It is infinitely deeper.

I love you…happy anniversary…onto our next year…

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

Monday: Lost 20% of my salary.
Tuesday: I am sure something crappy happened, I’ve just blocked it.
Wednesday: Pay more out of pocket for your benefits (medical/dental). Yes, I know I should be happy I have medical/dental coverage and I am, but see above Monday…Add that to the 15 % I lost in March…kiss it – I’m allowed to be bitter for a while.
Thursday: Farrah and Michael die. WTF?
Friday: The day isn't over yet...

MILK!

Direct quote from my SIL as I gave my son a bottle at our family gathering this past Sunday.

“He is still on formula? I had both my boys on MILK at ten months.”

My witty come back, “Well good for you.”

I wanted to tell her I was still nursing too just to the see the reaction. But I kept that behind my teeth.

Party on a budget

Next month we will be hosting our baby boy’s first birthday celebration. It is going to be a small celebration and when I say small I mean 40+ because hello, I married into a Catholic family and they believe it is their duty to populate the entire state of Michigan. Just kidding! I love my family and okay, I love the crazy in-law side too. It's just that there are so damn many of them I find I often have to blink and focus in on just who the hell I am speaking to so I can get the persons name correct.

Sorry, I’m not sure what just happened there.

Birthday celebration! My baby is going to be 1! MUST THROW PARTY OF THE YEAR! Must try to throw PARTY OF THE YEAR on a teeny tiny budget, damn it! I’m finding this teeny tiny budget a bit of a drag. I want to have a BASH and yes, I realize he will be 1 and will never remember and blah de blah. I DON’T CARE….fingers in my ears….can’t hear you…

We’ve got the food nailed down. Which I think is about as inexpensive as we can get. Burgers and hot dogs with the side of family that makes up 80% of the guest list bringing things like potato salad, pretty, pretty layered jello – YUM!, and a few other sides. That is how it works on his side. We all bring a dish to pass. My side on the other hand is much different. We host our own damn party’s and isn’t enough that I’ve asked you for 10 years of birthday and Christmas and St. Patrick’s Day gifts? Okay, so we don’t actually give St. Patrick’s Day gifts, but you get the picture. So now I have to blend these two crazy families into one HUGE party of bring a side dish and bring yourselves and a check for $1,000 for you nephews college fund. I’d take the college fund money over the food. Really, I would.

Either way, PARTY OF THE YEAR or simple backyard bbq, my baby is almost one year old and I cannot help but wonder how twelve months has just about flown by and he went from colicky (damn near killed me) baby to this beautiful boy who is no longer a “baby”. He is my baby; one that can make me laugh like a child in a single moment and break my heart with a smile in the next.

I must give him my version of the PARTY OF THE YEAR! Even if it is toned down a bit, I believe the celebration of his first year of life deserves the best that I am capable of giving him. After all there is only one first year of life and while he may not remember, I will and his first year has rocked my world.